A is for Anxiety, Addiction & Acceptance
Anxiety, ruled my life, it started out as panic attacks in my twenties. Small spaces, planes, lifts, job interviews, situations caused them.
"Chest tightening, heart racing, blurred vision, tingling in the feet and hands, can't breath..... can't breath! "
This is how I would feel when an attack came on, of course the problem with panic attacks is that the fear of the attack becomes the problem. I made my life smaller to fit the fear.
"Oh a drink takes it away...... I found a cure"
I remember seeing a doctor, his advice, stay away from alcohol, caffeine, drugs, nicotine and other stimulants, I followed this advice for about.... 2 months! Until I realised, through my own clever thinking that alcohol was a fantastic medicine to combat anxiety attacks..... so what ensued was fourteen years of drinking for fun and medicinal purposes!
I need help and acceptance
heres what I did
Accepted I needed help
Accepted I couldn't do it alone
Accepted that I needed to change ...me
That was a few days ago now and not everyone I know, is aware of my recovery life.... so for me this blog is a baring of my soul.... that comes with its own anxieties.
But I truly believe that openness and honesty around anxiety, depression, addictions and all mental health issues is the only way.
The things to remember about anxiety or/and depression issues is;
It does not need to define you, people see me as confident, bubbly personality and I am... most of the time.
Being anxious is sometimes a good thing, we need fear for lots of things to keep us safe and drive us forward.
Its much more common than you think, it can make you feel so alone, but ask a GP and they will say they see it all day everyday.
It doesn't last forvever...this too shall pass.
This week, in the news the lovely Ant Mcpartlin has admitted he needs help for his demons, I've been where he is and his bravery is inspiring, but we should also remember addictions and mental health are diseases like any other!
You won’t be cured. I don't see it like that anymore, I see it as part of my make up. But you’ll know that you’ve made peace with the fact that anxiety is part of your life, but that doesn’t mean it needs to define you or even limit you. Remember the saying 'what doesn't kill you makes you strong', (thanks Kelly Clarkson haha) its been around so long because its bloody well true.
Keep on keeping on,