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  • Clare Matty

Emotional Pain... what to do with it?


All of us at some point inour lives suffer emotional pain, anxiety, depression, fear, rejection, heartache, loss, these can be caused by others or we can simply create this pain all by ourselves!

Self sabotage...... Self destructive behaviour ....equals pain

Living with pain is the hardest thing we have to do, especially whilst dealing with the stresses of everyday life, feeling like we 'want to get off the rollercoaster' and just stop. For most this is simply not an option. How then do we cope with it, and carry on?

I have been very blessed in my life (touch wood!), I've yet to suffer any real loss, I have spoken with people who have had terrible, painful, tragedies and am in awe of people who cope with them, however a friend said to me 'its not about being brave, we don't choose loss, illness etc. its chooses us' we then have to deal with them.

I have found in my life most of my emotional pain is caused by my own actions, this mostly stems from my need to fix myself, to be happier to force my own will. I'm happy so long as everyone around me is dancing to my tune.....I can't help this...... Its my default setting. Today, however I have learnt that this only damages me. Having expectations of myself and others which cannot be fulfilled only lead to emotional pain, and so it goes...

I've learnt over the last few years is this:

  1. You can't control other peoples behaviour, only your own and how you react to things.

  2. Not everything in the entire world is about me, directed at me, revolves around me, in fact mostly it doesn't :)

  3. To Stay in my own hoop, don't get involved in other peoples stuff.

  4. If I step on other peoples toes, through my behaviour I mustn't be surprised when they retaliate.

Today, I can see my part in things, apologise where necessary and genuinely know where I was at fault.

I also try not to fix myself. I have fixed myself all my life, I see that today, shopping, boys, moving, drink, prescription drugs, non prescription drugs, exercise, being healthy, not being healthy!, sugar and so on and so on... Today I try to sit with emotions, I have a journal I write in every time I'm struggling so I can see where the feelings are coming from, what's brought them on? can I change anything about the situation? and if the answers no..... its back to acceptance, accepting that this is how I feel today and I have to manage that.

For me this is where sitting with emotions comes in, this can simply be, just learning to sit, or meditation. How often, when we feel, heartache, anger, resentment, irritability or injustice do we reach for a drink, grab some junk food, run to the gym, anything to avoid feeling these uncomfortable emotions. Learning to just sit with them, gives me clarity, what's caused them? what was my part in them? can I change anything about them? I see working through them now just as valuable as working out my physical body. Each time I work through something painful I grow, learn and can put it into practice the next time things arise.

#Emotionalpain #Acceptance #pain #Emotions

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Clare Matty
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