Gratitude.... in action
I know I’ve written, if not banged on about gratitude, but something I’ve learnt this year is that I am all over writing lists of things I am grateful for.... in beautiful journals that’s cost me a fortune from Waterstones (other stationers are available) but I’ve started asking myself do I express gratitude.... really? As in do I say thank you to people for their kind words or actions, do I pay back when people have helped me out, or have they stayed locked in the pages of the journal or iPad!?
So this year I’m going to be working on showing my gratitude, the lists will still be written, it’s an absolute mainstay of my steps and recovery, but I’m also going to be more vocal. Tell my friends how much their support means to me. Tell my parents how much their help gets me through life. Tell the people who love me how much strength I get from that love. I’m going out there to plant seeds of gratitude instead of just sitting at home with them.
I like to think in sobriety I do conduct myself like this. When drinking I treated others terribly whilst expecting to be treated like a princess in return! Attractive eh! Turn up at someone’s home absolutely sloshed and feel hurt when they turn me away! Reach out for love like a crazed, drunken bird and being horrified by rejection, let friends down and not apologise then wonder why they are angry with me. Why wouldn’t they be? Shamble into a dinner party already half cut and wonder why you’re friends are upset that you ruined it. Spend all day throwing up when you’re supposed to be at work and can’t believe it when they pull you up on it...... I mean imagine my horror!! Bombard people with calls and messages of rambling rubbish and act affronted that they didn’t reply...... the list goes on.
Today I can walk down the street and know I won’t bump into anyone I’ve purposefully hurt or offended. This in itself is something to be grateful for. I don’t have to cringe when I wake up wondering who is angry, disappointed, pissed off with me today.
Here is my last gratitude list for 2017 ❤️
This morning I woke up with no hangover.
My children and family know who I am today..... not always happy but never mad ;) well ish haha
I sleep in a bed, with a roof.... some people sleep in huts or on the street!
I have a fridge and cupboard full of food for me and my family.
I have my health.
My children have their health.
I have a dishwasher and washing machine! These are little things but they make my life manageable.
I don’t feel like a drink today.
My home is warm when it is cold outside.
My friends love and support me.
I love and support my friends.
I have someone in my life I can tell everything too.
In fact more than one.....
AA and recovery for keeping me sober.
The ability to read beautiful books.
The ability to hear amazing and Inspiring music.
Being able to enjoy great films and remember the end!
My parents..... they are everything to me I am so lucky and don’t tell them enough.
I have a car that gets me and my family around safely.
I think I’m poor... this is not true I am in the top 10 percent, most of the world are poor and hungry.
I have physical health to exercise which fills me with joy, makes me feel strong and releases endorphins.
This year I’ve been to the States and Spain! Poor me eh! ;)
I am writing this blog whilst watching my kids swimming with their friends, how lucky am I, when drinking I would be at home ashamed and fearful and someone else would be doing this with them, I would be missing out on watching them enjoy themselves (yes they still drive me mad) but gratitude is about turning things on it’s head and seeing things through positive eyes xxx
So 2018 is the year of giving not just writing ;).
Thank you to everyone who kept me sober and sane this year. You are and will be forever in my hearts.