Am I Enough?
I Don’t know about you? but I never feel like I’m enough, I don’t mean that I suffer from low self esteem, I had a great childhood with parents who instilled positivity in me, but yet I still have feeling of inadequacies. I always feel like I could have had a better career, be a better friend, be smarter, be a better parent and so the list goes on..... to combat this I keep a positive journal, in this I list things I’ve achieved on a daily basis you’ll be surprised how all the little things can add up. This can vary drastically throughout the year. If I am suffering from anxiety and depression a list may look simply look like this;
Got the kids to school
cleaned one room in the house
reached our to a friend in need
fed the kids
didnt pick up a drink
Other times, when I’m flying and smashing life it can be a massive productive list of things I’ve achieved, business plans, new classes planned, sharing at meetings, helping out at school, eating well, planning for the future and basically being wonderwomen..... what I’ve had to accept, that for me, I cannot be wonder woman everyday (which is a shame as I feel I would rock that costume well 😂)
What I’ve learnt in recovery is that most of the things I worry and stress about are not specific to alcoholics or addicts they are life things..... shit happens! Man plans and god laughs! It’s not what happens to us it’s how we cope with them that counts and shapes us. I also believe through practice the chemicals that cause stress can be managed better.... you can find so much research based on this. A great book I’ve recently read ‘the self care revolution’ by Suzy Reading. And there is a whole range of literature both in books and online on this subject.
Acceptance for me is the giant key.... accepting
Who I am and where I am today
knowing I am enough
I’m not perfect.... but no one is
I have strengths others don’t and vice versa
We can’t be good at everything
But everyone has strenghs
I work at recognising my good points
And if I can, work on my bad points
I wasn’t always so good at this and it left me feeling inadequate, lacking in self belief, this then makes us despondent and nothing gets done.... a vicious circle.... it also made me drink, to hide from my emotions and to be able to put my confident, bubbly, party girl mask on! Thank god today I don’t have to do that.
The truth is I would love to be the sort of person who doesn’t people please and has no concerns about how people see me, but this isn’t me, however I am definately massively more confident since quitting the booze and embracing a 12 step programme. In my life I surround myself with people who love me for who I am and avoid people who make me feel lesser than.
Today I know I’m a good person who tries her hardest to be a good friend, mother, employee and works hard at being committed. When I say I’m going to be somewhere I’m there, if I promise to help a friend I do it..... these are the sort of things that build self esteem and make me feel I’m worth the love of family and friends.
So here’s my advice to you if you’re struggling with low self esteem or confidence. List your strengths or better still ask some family members or friends to name a few (you will be pleasantly surprised). Keep a journal and only document the good things you’ve achieved. But most of all take care of yourself and taking care of others will be easier.
In the words of L’Oréal .... you’re worth it!