• Clare

The inportance of having a ‘Why’.....

So, I’ve not written for a long time, I’ve felt stuck, emotionally maybe, I don’t know but definitely the inspiration to write hasn’t been there... but recently I’ve been thinking a lot about my ‘Why’ .... what is a ‘Why’you ask? Well I know you know what Why means, but what it means in the sense of this rambling of mine; It’s a sense of purpose. It’s a goal. It’s a reason to keep pushing through the tough times. It’s who you want to succeed for. It’s being the person you want to be. Being the best version of yourself. In my recovery I was lucky enough to get the gift of desperation and luckily for me that drove me to the doors or AA.... but I need why’s now for other reasons, over the last year or so they have had to change in many ways, to stay sober and to reach some new goals that I probably never thought about. My life was taking a direction that I thought was set, my mindset was, career success is for others, passion for a job is for others, helping people is for others.... now I want all these things and my ‘Why’? My kids, my family, my own self esteem and feelings of self worth. I want to be self sufficient and achieve goals I set for myself. I gave up on so many dreams when I was young, in recovery I’ve learnt tonnes about myself and my character traits if you like, I Shall not bore you with them all! What I know now is we tell ourselves stories either consciously or sub consciously such as; I’m not good enough for that. I won’t be able to achieve that. It’s ok to be treated like this. That’s nice for them but it won’t happen to me. Those things are for other folk. I’ll never amount to much. I won’t be any good at blah blah blah.... Why not change that story to, yep I’ll have a bit of that please..... The difference between people who achieve goals and people who don’t is work! Arghhhhh that word just makes me want to put Netflix on haha! But seriously I know it’s in me to reach goals, but some of them fill me with fear... they say turn fear into faith..... here’s a few examples; - You want that job but you’re scared to go for the interview.... how strong is your why? If it’s strong enough you will push through the fear. - You want to loose weight but you loooovvvvveeeeee cheesecake, if your Why is strong enough you will avoid the cheesecake! - You want to run a half marathon but you can’t even be bothered to get your trainers on.... where’s your why? How much do you want it? Isn’t what’s waiting at the other side of those goals worth the pain?? So, although I sometimes think all the talk of personnel development is a load of old cobblers I’m a truly converted person! I’m reading books, setting goals, getting up earlier, reading affirmations, working hard, not watching so much crap tv! How often do we hear, ‘I don’t have time to exercise’ get up half an hour earlier.... stop watching ‘Love Island’ haha haters hate me! I don’t have time is the grown up version of ‘the dog ate my homework’ How often do we tell ourselves our lives are to busy for personnel development or health goals, or helping others.... the busiest and most successful people in the world do ALL these things and still smash the hell out of life. I read something amazing this week that said, hitting the snooze button is telling the brain we are not ready for the day.... I want to be ready for the day.... unless it’s escaped anyone’s notice we only have a limited amount of them ;) The thing I hear most in my role as a fitness instructor is, I’ll start exercising when I’m eating healthier .... wtf?!.... what does that even mean, start today, do something today, the rest will come. I want to start telling myself new stories, ones where I can be a successful as others, where I can be a great parent, where I can be helpful to my fellow folk, where i can be a wonderful friend. Since I’ve been in recovery I know I’ve changed so much, I’m show up when I say I will, I contribute to society, I’ve guided my kids in good ways, I moan about them, but people tell me they’re great ;) I’ve made massive mistakes sure, but overall I’m present for them in so many ways.... my kids are definitely my biggest ‘Why’ and I think this is true of any parent, I mean it’s a biological thing... it’s good it keeps me on the straight and narrow. But I want to achieve in other ways too, especially for my daughter, I want her to see that she can have the world if she chooses! And that by being kind and hard working life can be both successful and fulfilling. And for myself because they will grow up and have their own ‘whys’ and lives. This blog is not about any of the following; * Being rich * Being a certain body shape * Owning material stuff * Being married to a superstar It’s about looking into yourself and asking ‘what do I really want’ ‘what can I achieve today’ ‘how can I be of service to others today’ this is where we get fulfilment.... I believe. Here’s a list of some books and inspirational peeps I’m reading and following on social media; * Jay Shetty - Urban Monk (YouTube) * Rachel Hollis - @mrsrachelhollis * Nina Alexander - Arbonne NVP * Russell Brand (I know he’s an arse, but he knows his stuff on recovery) * Hal Elrod - author & inspiration behind ‘The Miracle Morning’ read it now!! * Chasing 19 - @chasing19 on insta amazing guy inspiring people to use exercise to help mental health * - great new website featuring yours truly ;) * Mel Robbins - best selling author of the 5 second rule & kick ass with Mel Robbins And there’s hundreds more, don’t forget your friends, loved ones, partners, siblings we are surrounded by people who can love and nurture us if we do the same for them? I will say a word on spirituality I believe in a higher power I don’t know what that is, but I know I couldn’t have stayed sober on my own self will... but saying that I’m not inspired by self help gurus and books that talk about throwing stuff out to the universe and waiting to see what happens!!! But If it’s your thing then that too is amazing but what I believe is programmes of action. Faith without work fails and it works if you work it..... So, go set some goals, read inspirational books (or listen audible is ace) do this instead of watching crap tv! Watch videos of speakers, watch something educational listen to podcasts, have a think about what your life looks like and what you want it to look like. Sending love always Clare x

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Clare Matty
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